I get up at 3am to stare into the darkness,
Darkness that has been around a while now.
I stare into nothing and notice that;
that the feeling is not new.
The silence of the night, the buzzing crickets,
the sound of my own breathing, my beating heart.
I then take a drive down the streets of our liitle town,
My vodka and cigarretes right besides me.
I see the christmas lights, smiling faces. I see the love and wish I were dead.
The emptiness drives me crazy. My beating heart makes echoes within,
in desperate hunt for the love I see.
Empty, damaged and Incacerated.
Wounds of the past live on, getting deeper with the passing of years.
No one willing to look past them.
So that night after night, 3am finds my eyes open.
Wishing for nothing but just a smile, an internal smile,
A smile to numb the pain.
So I am not asking for much, am I?
A text? A conversation? A date? A smile?
I ask for a chance to be happy!
Maybe I dont deserve it, maybe I do.
I just want a good night´s sleep,
and not be up every other passing night, staring into the darkness.
So give me that chance. Look past the rumours! Past my awkwardness! Past my PAST!
Look deep into me and give that person a chance! Thats all I ask.
But untill then, you can find me staring into the darkness; Empty at 3 am