The truth is this was never supposed to happen. This idea of “us” was not the plan. I say this because a part of me, that broken part of me, is still convinced our stars did not line up together. They were never aligned. But those few bits of me you were able to save have seen all through your heart. And in your eyes they find peace, a sense of belonging. I know that I belong in your eyes and you in mine. And seeing you smile melts my heart. My stone cold heart. The fact that you see through me, through this façade of personalities I have mastered over the years, makes me want you more than anything. It is true that a fundamental part of me died, but in you I find a few living bits. In you I find a new hope. And it is that that I intend to hold onto for the rest of my life.
You see, this idea of “us” still scares me sometimes. The uncertainty of the future breaks me because I know I CAN live without you, but I don’t want to live without you. I am a broken man, a man of involuntary solitude. But when you looked past that dark side of my story, you uncovered a depth of me that I never knew even existed. It was so deep it hurt. And whenever I think about you, it hurts. But I love that pain because you are worth every bit of it. I cry when I look at you and honestly, its not tears of joy. Its because deep down I know you deserve more than just me, Way more than just “us”. I’ll hold you, I’ll hold onto those broken pieces that you gave life and in my very own awkward and strange ways, I’ll see to it that your cup never runs dry.
To be continued